my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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