Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
