you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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