Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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