I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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