i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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