I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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