I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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