my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Never underestimate the power of titties
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