Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
