I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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