Where did you get a picture of my penis
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
