I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
