so explain again why im purple
no
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
