I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
