Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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