Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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