He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
