my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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