shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
