He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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