a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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