I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
