I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
