Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize