so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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