How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
