I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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