How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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