if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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