Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
