Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I am midnight drunk by noon
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
