He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
