is your mom at the bar?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize