So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
