i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
