So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
