and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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