um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize