when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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