i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
