I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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