i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
