Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
