how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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