I need help removing her.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
