I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
