don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
