the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
