somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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