You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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