maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
