It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
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