I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
well you can't waste a boner
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
