my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I enjoy the company of your penis
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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