dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
