I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
