then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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