my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
