there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
