i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
