When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
