fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize