so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Less talking, more tequila
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
