so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
