I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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