In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
