I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
