Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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