At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
