I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
