you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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