I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You can't just leave with hair like that
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
