Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
