chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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