is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
