You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
